A better life 32: The process
8. May 2019

A better life 33: Victimhood

What is victimhood and do I have something like that? How did I get there and how can I get out? First, there is a responsibility to clarify: Who is responsible, if you feel bad? Who is to blame, if you are having a bad day? Who picks you up, when you’re on the ground? Who can you blame for your day going differently as planned? The answer is shocking, but is the only logical one: yourself. However, it is easier to blame others, than to work on ourselves. But, as I have already written in my last post “The Process“; each medal has two sides. That’s exactly what is applied in these sentences.

Instead of being upset about the misconduct of a colleague, I can also be sure, that it’s his behavior and keep calm. He might thwart my deadline, but I can clearly point out during the presentation, that the responsibility of the postponement lies with Mr. XY – and I’m off the hook. However, we are often forced or even let someone push us into the role of a victim, which is versatile and multi-layered.

What is a victim role?

The victim role can be explained quickly: A feeling of helplessness and unability to change your own fate. It is believed, that one is the victim of others’ deeds or their circumstances. Others feel treated unfairly, overlooked and disadvantaged. Still others compare themselves to the stars and “role models” on TV, who live such a great life (and then often commit suicide!?!?). Partly people are simply self-righteous and (too) comfortable.

This provides a short-term relief of mental pain. In the long term, however, the victim’s role is pure poison, leading to depression and many other mental illnesses, that also affect the body over time. An example of this is chronic pain. Actually, this is a broad hint with the biggest stopping-power the body has – pain. However, most people are so dulled, that you have to knock them out with pain to get their attention – which a body does over the years – but is overpowered with painkillers.

The victim role …

… by people

The above-mentioned, unpunctual colleague XY brings in a conversation up, that he could not comply with the deadline due to – insert excuse here. Now ask yourself: Do I have to look unprofessional, because of his problems? Often we agree to take these deeds upon us, maybe to be liked. However, I am against this kind of help. Mr. XY only learns, that he can get away with his shortcomings and may try again next time. Here arises a question to me: Do we want to be liked because we are a good doormat or because we are as we are? We may get a bit more popular with Mr. XY, because we’re pulling him out of his self-made s**t, but do we really need someone else’s approval, or is Mr. XY just using us? Of course, there are circumstances in which helping out is indispensable – but bad timing is something different.

… by ourselves

Another type of victimhood is impressed by ourselves onto our self, as we simply don´t know any better. We were educated like that, or we follow the example of people, that we were in contact with, that lived their live as victims. This looks like this: We blame our fate or other people for our lives or our suffering. But, as long as we give others the blame or responsibility (it’s the same, check my guilt and responsibility article) for our lives, others have power over us. I can convince myself, that the education of my parents made me who I am, or I take my destiny in my own hands and am how and who I want to be. I can use a stroke of fate as an excuse to be in a bad mood all my life, or I use it to grow and become a stronger person. No matter what happens to me, I can always (!) be sure, that I had this event in mind – often years before it happened. If I had mastered my thoughts earlier, the event would have been absent.

… through our self-perception

As I have written in my article about self-perception, we radiate on the outside what we think about our self on the inside: who considers himself weak, invites others to trample on him underfoot. Anyone who considers himself unlovable, barricades the opportunity for others to love him. Those who make their self-worth dependent on the approval of others, will struggle with their own value throughout life. Those who feel bad about someone else’s words, should think about who is the master of their thoughts. As long as someone has an emotional response to things being said to him, the other person has power over him. Only when you manage to control your emotions, feelings and reactions (of reacting, with the environment), Your are truly free.

This may sound hard, but it’s the reality. Life is easier when you accept this. My suggestion is to do this rather sooner than later. Better an end with horror than a horror without an end, someone once said to me. Still, there is no horror – only as long as you think there is.

Why do we see ourselves as victims?

Anyone who sees himself as a victim (you have to be aware of this first!) does this most likely to feel better than the “evil” and “immoral” offenders, who do the countless “injustices”. This way, the others (not the person) are the culprits of someones bad feeling. In addition, we get pity and comfort from other people, which is also a kind of affection. Additionally, we feel, that others (life, people, God) owe us and we can feel right without doing anything. But with this attitude in the long run, everything stays the same – this should be clear immediately – and those, who want everything to stay the same, prevent a better future.

In conclusion

I use one word for this state of victimhood: miserable. According to the synonyms, it is “annoyingly very bad” or “pathetic” or “vile” and “mean” – how we treat ourselves.

We live in a self-supporting system, where everyone is responsible for themselves. The suffering of another, his role as a victim and his miserable way of seeing the world are indifferent to anyone. Meanwhile, we have arrived at a point, where so much negativity is thrown upon us from the outside, that it’s hard (as long as you believe it is!) to develop a positive attitude to life. Still, humans are loving and positive beings, deeply buried beneath many layers of victimhood, self-pity and hatred.

This means, that we are currently exterminating ourselves, if no one else noticed. Breaking out of your victimhood and doing what you want is, in my view, the most effective antidote to self-destruction – because we all have a positive meaning in life – I’m 100% sure. When more people think positively, it affects not just humanity, but the entire UNIVERSE, of which we only know a few square-light-years. This way, every human being has its own value and can contribute to a better life for all – by living the best possible life he/ she can think of.

In spirituality, the universe and humans are often compared to vibrations. Our dead point would be the stoppage of this vibration. In turn, an increase in vibration means a more positive lifestyle. Namely, we send out these vibrations and – figuratively speaking – sing a song, all together – while living together. Whether it sounds good is up to every single singer, drummer, triangle player and that dude on the xylophone. Think about it!

By the way: suffering is voluntary – so why suffer – is there any of my readers really diggin´ the suffering? Please leave me a comment or write me a message – I can help, if you are stuck. This will stay between with us, 100%. But as one hand washes the other, I´d like to ask you to either increase the range of my posts (aka. share, talk about them, recommend my books, etc.) or you can invite me for a coffee, so I can continue to write such articles – otherwise I have to search for other jobs to earn a living – as you understand – it’s up to you!

 

Christian-Lothar Ludwig

 

 

 

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