A better life 31: Doubts
29. April 2019
A better life 33: Victimhood
10. May 2019

A better life 32: The process

Anyone who has read my other blog-posts may wonder, when the big change is coming. Maybe a radical transformation is expected to happen overnight or a big event, that changes things elementary. However, I have to disappoint you: life is different. Anyone who wants to exercise his body is doing push ups for more than a day. Anyone who changes the world with an invention has been working on it for more than a day. It is the same with personal development and thus a better life. Instead of asking yourself what might or has to happen to fulfill your wishes all at once, you’d rather think about what you want to achieve/ do/ experience in your life.

All at once, and then?

Those who hope all life for a cavalry, descending from heaven, only to fulfill all their wishes like a genie – they wait forever. Truth is: everybody is part of this cavalry, at least for himself – good people (in my opinion) additionally support “the cavalry of others”. Plus: Imagine you get all your wishes fulfilled in one moment – what do you do the next day – next year – after ten years – after 200? How old do you want to grow, if all your wishes have already come true? These are perplexed considerations, but they are important. Because this way, we can understand, that there is something better, than to get everything at once.

Personally, I have set myself the goal of one day sitting on my veranda with my girl in Namibia, while watching the big game on the horizon in the sunset. That’s what I work for, that´s why I write children’s books, which I season with as much inspiration as possible, only to convey my views to future generations. Learning my writing style, however, took my whole life and a lot of attention, a lot of thoughts and an unimaginable number of setbacks, sacrifices and temper tantrums – even if the outside rarely to never noticed. I live for myself.

By the way, I still have a lot of goals set before and after Namibia – but that is my main focus – I´ll figure the rest on the way. For the time between, I have set myself smaller goals: some of them may sound stupid (as if I would care, they are mine!): I would like to experience a Red Cardinal (also known as Virgin Nightingale) in the wild. In my opinion, these are beautiful birds, that are native to the American continent. I also want to drive as much convertible as possible – I had to sell my BMW Z4 with a heavy heart, to get further my way. One day, I will own one again. Even if I could afford ten Ferrari – I want to have a white Z4 with red leather and 3.0 liter engine, automatic transmission and 19 inch rims. Meaning: I know what I want.

However, if you wish to win the lottery and are only want this jackpot, you will most likely have to wait your entire life. But: if you have a suitable idea and would like to become a millionaire within a year, your chances are much better. At least I see life this way – but feel free to teach me a better view. That exceptions confirm the rule – you often hear that – but if that is correct in this regard, I dare to doubt. Those who win the lottery jackpot are also often pushed into chaos after some time – partied to death, drunk, sick, family and friends scared away. What do you then have all the money for? Nevertheless, some people seem to be able to handle the money from zero to millionaire, while others are ruined by the wealth. I want to make something clear with this example: It is important to learn from the mistakes of others. This saves you from doing your own.

What is needed for the process

I often hear from people that they are (for example) unpunctual and it is normal for them to be late. I should, so to speak, be content with their inadequacies, with which they have long come to terms. So I’m either learning to estimate the delay correctly or looking for people who value my time as much as theirs. I see this clearly: I prefer to opt for the second version of people. Who knows of his own potential for improvement (as he says so?!) and is too lazy / retracted (or whatever other excuses they find) to change anything, well – let them.

Although the change would be very easy to implement: To change from an “unpunctual” person to a “punctual”, you only need to keep your mental improvement in mind and get up every morning with some will to enforce your goal, without using force.

This does not work on the first day, on the second day maybe at one meeting, for two weeks you forget your goal again and only after another rebuke by someone, you take a heart and take this serious. Then you manage to be punctual for a week, only to be too late to all appointments in one day. After many weeks of trying and attempting, you eventually realize, that somehow and somewhere, you have become a punctual person. These words conceal a normal learning curve, that everyone has already experienced for themselves. Every year on New Year’s Eve, for example, a new round of this game begins, ending far too often on January 2nd.

My focus…

In order to revamp your personality, you should consider the “actual state” in mind and decide for yourself, how you would like to be. Of course, you can also do as many aspects at the same time –  life, the body and the mind give you everything you need at the right (!) timing, in a way you can handle it. To give you some hints, I list the most important characteristics, at least in my opinion:

– patient (to be able to wait for your desires)
– loving (everything that was made with love tastes better)
– without expectations (they only hurt)
– attention (also called mindfulness — so that personal growth is, so to speak, “paid”, as the English pay attention, instead of giving it)
– realistic (what that is for the individual – everyone knows that best for him/herself)
– willingness (with sufficient will, unrealistic can become real, just sayin´…)
– know what you want (You can be in the largest grocery store in the world – without hunger, there is “nothing good to eat”)
– be open (sometimes it is better if your wish is denied – that leads to something better – that’s life!)
– respectful (to your body, nature, life and everything else you can respect)
– teachable (A “stupid” man is only paying attention to his ideas, a wise man involves everyone´s)
– courageous (to do what others might condemn – but: Who cares what others think?)
– steadiness (do something for your goals daily, even if you feel “bad” – on such days, I used to wrote only a sentence)
– trust (in your way, abilities, talent)
– imagination (you can imagine it – you can achieve it)
– faith in yourself (what you undertake – you create)
– intuition (to do the things you want to / have to/ should do, etc. – They lead you to where (and how) you want to be)

This is just a very rough list of possible points. Everyone can obviously expand or reduce this list as he likes.

The journey is the destination.

This – at first glance – useless sentence from the title is often heard. I used to think, that I had to somehow endure the journey to be happy at the destination. After a few years, this idea got so much on my nerves, that I started and worked on the way. I realized, that the journey/way is something, that I do every day. The destination, however, is just a moment, that is gone faster than I can grasp it. That’s how I learned to learn to love my way to my destination. I started seeing something good in bad things, which suddenly and unintentionally turned my life upside down.

Each medal has two sides, they say. This metaphor can be easily extended to all aspects of life: I can get upset about a canceled flight or take this as a wink to stay in the country. In an aggressive animal, I can only see its current state or realize, that the animal has become this way for reasons, that I can do something about. I can see something inappropriate and irrational in the birth of a baby, or look forward to the new situation, even knowing that this might get difficult. I can get upset about a canceled appointment or enjoy the free time by myself. I can rant about the rainy weather or use it for a leisure day in front of the wood burner. I can see the words of a guy with crazy views as a wacky form of intimidation, or consider his views, think about them, and see if he means or does well.

I could write down such examples endlessly. But what I would like to say is actually only one thing: If you sharpen your gaze on the inside, you notice more than the eyes see on the outside. This happens a little bit more every day – as long as you take at least one step each day; maybe to leave the past behind. A comparison from yesterday to today is difficult – I think the comparison in quarter, half or yearly rhythm is more suitable. Try this approach, for example: What is more fun? Being constantly miserable or constantly smiling. I see the future in the second version.

In conclusion:

Everything is possible in the human mind. Everything we can imagine, we can achieve. Imagine everyone knows this, we live by these words, learn them at school, help each other with our conception and openly talk about ideas, that become real, few years later. To me, this is what the human future looks like. This is the evolution of our thinking, of our understanding and of our connection to nature and our fellow human beings – beyond color, religion, origin and other unimportant things.

Unimaginable what will be possible.

C-L

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